AWILDA

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." -Henry David Thoreau

Awilda Story is dedicated to living and loving fully, to the potential of a life, and to the grand adventure—the process—of a lifetime.

I’ve spent my life low-key dedicated to this idea. Not by choice, but because it pours out of me—rigorously cycling through me. I can trace it back to childhood: being innately aware of the brevity of life and immensely moved by a feeling of awe in being alive and in this world. (Not joking.)

Why? I don’t know. But I have an educated guess.

As a kid, I would often be brought to tears by a feeling I could only internally describe as “greatness,” often triggered by witnessing anything profound—birth and death, beauty and connection, great love and playfulness. I had no one I felt I could share this with growing up. As you will learn, I am adamant that everyone is doing the best they can—but over many years of inner excavation and outer searching, I learned how to accept more, and thus to be very open and shiny about it.

Growing up, I learned to hide. So I have been undoing it all long before I knew what I was doing. This is edging close to the pinnacle of that freedom.

Lighthearted depth is the only kind of depth, to me.

I don’t want anything about this to be serious. Living is playful; the ego (mine, for sure) is so serious (survival mechanism). Wisdom lives in the fluidity and alignment of lightheartedness. And I have found that the more I grow, the lighter and freer I become—not heavier. There might be the secret to a well-lived life. Minimum, it is a factor, though I find it to be the most important piece. Where I have held back (tons), played it small, and felt not enough (and judged) is exactly where I have been the most serious. But by making strides to let go, I can show up and actually love people and life.

My greatest desire, burning bright in me and moving me each day, is to love this world and to enjoy the experience of being alive. Feel like sharing - just typing this made me tear up a bit. But I know it’s not just me. Even if it doesn’t live so openly on the surface for everyone—bubbling like a volcano about to erupt at any moment, it moves us all.

Our greatest fears and deepest dreams mirror each other.

As a kid, I was terrified that I would get to my 40s and take off from whatever life I had created because I had not lived, and that had become unbearable. More potently, I had horrible visions of being old in a rocking chair (I know, I know), feeling the pain in having regretted my life and seeing all I did not do. Instead, I lived for a projected idea of how I must live to be accepted (utterly relative).

Now here’s the most vulnerable thing I can say to you (I’m gonna say it)—I now spontaneously and happily envision the end of my life, and every single time, what I see is a smiling face, with deep, profound gratefulness, and a “thank you” to all of life on my lips. Equally, I know that I will miss the trees, the whales, the sea turtles, the color and the play of light, the music and dancing, the people and cultures—the life, the potential, and the love abound.

I am at peace now, thinking of this.

As my favorite song says, I hope and somehow also trust that by the end, I will have seen “the whole of the moon” (The Waterboys, The Whole of the Moon). But as I remind myself while listening to this song each morning, this is a daily goal - not something that is achieved at the end. A well fully lived life is merely a sequence of days lived fully. Making today matter as much as any other (because it does).

"If a tree stops growing, it begins to die." -Thich Nhat Hanh

There are endless things I have learned. And it’s never-ending. Using this analogy, Thich Nhat Hanh points out that we grow all our lives—not just biologically and cellularly, but also consciously.

I love looking at the vast scope of human history and noticing how each generation has grown consciously—from cave life and cheering as we watched people kill each other in the colosseum, to space and saints and self-help books.

You couldn’t pay me any amount of money to live anytime in the past. I don’t romanticize it, not even slightly. With any modern-day issues, I’ll take them over the ones we have overcome.

With each decade, year, and day, I grow more. With every friendship, relationship, podcast, random video - it could be anything—I grow more. I have learned about trusting myself and the process of life. I have deepened respect, compassion, honesty, lightheartedness, joy, and peace. I did it by learning to bring everything home and take responsibility for my life and emotions (thanks to my once mentor, Judi).

There are so many challenges I am working through right now that I can forget the perspective of how far I have come, but as I look back, it is objectively far from the shame and fear-riddled, hiding, self-conscious girl I was.

I’ve spent close to 20 years on a mission to love the world and enjoy the experience of being alive. I hope I have many decades to come, with so much I wish to do. It requires my increasing inner freedom to do so - that’s just the truth.

I hope I can continue to meet that more each day and leave this world a tiny bit more loving, joyful, and free from having been here (dependent on my ability to be those things).

Awilda Story is part of that mission.

Though I firmly believe that it is how we lived our lives - how we saw or treated each person and moment we came across - that is our greatest impact.

As Thoureu’s analogy goes, little me dreamed of “castles in the sky,” and it never left. So I have been building the “foundation” to reach it — by peeling back the layers and becoming someone who can, since.

Whether I like it or not. I have realized that I can’t get off this train, no matter how hard I have tried. I hope to enjoy the ride. (based on those childhood fears, fingers crossed.)

Thank you for being here, and for being whoever you are, right now.

I once thought, while looking at the stars, that if I could say one final thought to the world, it would be this:

Thank you. And despite it all, you are perfect as you are, and life is play. (so, play with life.)